Panda Death Haikus (which are not actually haikus at all.....)

Ages back, on the way to the pub, someone said something that was misheard as "panda death haiku", and a new age in stupid poetry was born. Later that same evening, someone who shall remain nameless said, at a volume that could be heard in the next suburb (that should be a dead giveaway to those that know him) said "you can stick your Ezra Pound haiku up yer bum!", which is where that reference comes from. When I wrote these, which was way back then (about this time last year) I looked up the format on the internet (I couldn't remember how many syllables there were supposed to be in each line). Anyway, I needn't have bothered, cos I still fucked it up. Oh well, here they are anyway......

Pandas are all around me
Black and white furry
Singing panda death haikus

Pandas and death abounding
Fighting endlessly
Though only death’s a winner

Can you not see me panda?
Can you not hear me?
Or is it that you’re dying?

Panda looks death in the eye
You do not scare me!
Death turns away shamefully

Pandas are strong and mighty!
They do not fear death
For death is just the long sleep

Pandas drinking beer and wine
They laugh and stumble
And fart in death’s direction

Death gets the shits with pandas
They will pay for this
For I am almighty Death!

Take your Ezra Pound haiku
Stick it up your bum
Drunk pandas say laughingly

Right! That’s it! You’re in trouble
Death’s anger explodes
Had it up to here with you

Oh yeah? Bring it on drop kick!
Pandas mooning death
We will kick your bony arse

Death attacks, the fight is on
Pandas are swinging
Pandas drunk, Death fights dirty

Though the pandas are many
Death is much faster
And the pandas start dying

Pandas and death abounding
Fighting endlessly
Though only death’s a winner

Pandas are all around me
Black and white furry
Singing panda death haikus


Yes, yes, I know that it should be 5-7-5, rather than 7-5-7. I really don't know how I got it so wrong. Dyslexia? or just Stupidity?