Ding dong the bells are going to chime!

So, ten years to the day that Rusty and I got married, we finally had our wedding day. It kinda rocked.

It was a fairly low key affair, as far as weddings go, which is good, because it kept the stress levels pretty low. Despite a bit of last minute (read: the morning of the wedding day) sewing on hems, it all went pretty smoothly. My decision to make as much stuff as I did was a bit ambitious, as it turns out, because I didn't even get started on the hat. I did manage the dress, my coat, Rusty's waistcoat, the cake, the bridal bouquets, and the placecards all in reasonably good time though. At the risk of sounding overly chuffed with myself, they all turned out really, really well. I received some fabulous compliments - some from complete strangers - on the cake and the dress. It's a good thing for the bride to feel pretty and clever on her wedding day, isn't it?

The day went pretty smoothly, despite my getting a bit cranky with the hairdresser. If you make an 11am appointment to get your hair done, you shouldn't have to wait until 11.30 before the first roller goes in your hair, should you? My hair turned out pretty well, although it looked a bit odd with jeans and a t shirt. JD was with me, getting her hair set into a tres cute cap of curls. She wasn't very happy with it, but she looked gorgeous - despite pulling an all nighter to get her bridesmaid dress finished. She is Teh Roxor.

After the grand hair experience, we came home to grab our stuff and off the the hotel! Thank goodness for hotels with big mirrors everywhere - it made getting ready soooooo much easier. It was a funny thing - I had been thinking that the hair looked a bit odd, and I wasn't sure that I was entirely happy with it. As I put on my makeup, though, it started to come together. Then I put on the dress... All of a sudden I was 1940s! JD looked fab in her maroon (so your colour, matey!) and Rusty looked like the Godfather.

Then we went downstairs to our car. Oh boy! We had a 1947 Jaguar Mk 4 in gunmetal gray. This one, in fact:Photo nicked from the Silver Cloud Cars website, from whence the car came.

So pretty. And really nifty watching all the heads turn to watch this gorgeous car go past! And full of folks in 40s dress, too! We met the photographer at the venue, and then went traipsing all over the shop to have a bunch of photos taken, before the sun went down. I'm looking forward to seeing the result, and I will post some photos when we get them.

Just at sunset, and before the ceremony was due to start, we went for a cruise around the park in our car. Figured that this was a good plan, as the car was horrendously expensive. We saw Nathan Rees taking a walk, and completely failed to run him over. Sorry folks, but we just weren't prepared to pay to get the dents out of the Jag.

The ceremony was lovely. Elly preformed her duties as a flower girl well, despite Rana's concerns that she would totally lose it (although there was a moment where she was about to forge ahead in a rather gung-ho fashion). Rusty's mate Phil read a poem for us, and Rana, who I have known for nearly 17 years (as Rana said, since primary school. Yeah, good one, I'll go with that!) said some words about us and our relationship. It was really touching, and disturbingly accurate (!) and everyone was very touched. Rusty and I said our bits, despite both of us suffering from stage fright and forgetfullness. We both got a bit choked up, and managed to choke a bunch of other people up too. It's nice to know that we touched the hearts of our friends and family. Mr H was awesome as our MC - it was really nice to have someone kinda taking charge a bit, who knew exactly what to say to make things happen.

Dinner and drinks happened, as they are wont to do, and the service seemed to be really good - nobody was wanting a drink for too long, food came and plates went in good time* - and it was reeeeeeaally nice to sit down and take the weight off my high heels.

We kept our speeches short and sweet, Dad got a golden opportunity to poke fun at me in a public forum (must have been loving that) and I made people (including myself) cry with my toast to my mum, for the 20th anniversary of her death. We had our traditional bridal waltz, and Rusty's two left feet came into the fore here. Then some people joined in, and we got a bit more comfortable getting some ballroom jive and spinning around madly.

The cake was a great success. It looked great (sorry, but no false vanity here) and apparently was very yummy. So, I was happy, as everyone liked my cake, and they were happy, as they got yummy cake. Win-win situation! Hooray!

I would have liked for there to be more dancing, but everyone seemed to be having a really nice time regardless, so I'm happy. All in all, the day was a great success. Needless to say, there are a couple of little things I could have been happier with, but they were pretty petty, so I really don't have any cause for complaint.

By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I think someone nicked our taxi (and I will find you, whoever you are!) and we had to get them to call us another. I was as pleased as it's possible to be to get back to the room, and take off my shoes (and my corset, oh bliss!), wash my face an pull all of the pins out of my hair, and climb into bed.

You know what happened next? It took me about three hours to get to sleep. Why is that always the way?

And how did we spend our Saturday and Sunday? We have watched about 18 hours worth of Buffy. I think I've spent about 25 minutes in total off the couch. It's been the best honeymoon ever. I promise to post photos when we get them too!

*The next morning at breakfast, Dr Mark was telling a story of a wedding he went to recently where the drinks were flowing, but the food took hours to come out. By the time it did, everyone was trashed, and all the couples were having huge barneys. I think the service we got was worlds away from this, for which I am extremely thankful!

Awesome day

Ok, I've been a bit crap with the blog updating lately. Been pretty busy with the sewing. That will teach me to have a wedding...

Today I shirked my sewing responsibility and went over to my gran's. As she lives in Avalon, it was a reasonable hike (by the time I got home again I had spent enough time in the car to have driven to Canberra. As Rusty so succinctly put it, but then I would be in Canberra. Yes, I know the grammar of that sentence bites). We had a really lovely day together. The weather, apart from being freezing, was gorgeous. We sat outside in the sun and drank coffee and ate croissants and chatted. Then we walked down to the beach - Avalon is a fabulous place for walking - and sat on the rocks and watched the surfers. The surf looked perfect, and there were a whole bunch of die-hards out there in their steamer suits. We were so envious of them! It would be awsome to surf, but I think that you have to be pretty fearless. I tried once, many years ago, and almost drowned. Never again. Oh well, it was fun to watch them.

We sat in gran's garden again for lunch, and fed the crusts of our sarnies to the magpies and the lorikeets. A bit naughty, but kinda cute too.

We chatted all day about all sorts of things. I love my gran - she's ace tops, mate.

All in all, it was a fabulous day.

Miffed

:Sulk:

I have a length of black linen that I want to make a summer weight day-dress (tourney frock) from. What I would really like to trim it with is pink - not bubblegum, but a nice dusky rose. I have looked at many, many pictures, and the only colours that black frocks were trimmed with in 16thC Germany were white, gold,Hello, you look familiar...

or,

(wait for it)

more black.

Aaargh! Why don't you people have some imagination!

So, what do you reckon? Should I be true to form and trim my frock in gold, or should I "accidentally" make it the way I want it, and just shout "Oooh look, an elephant!" any time someone asks me about my colour choice?

The first person to offer to alleviate my problem by taking the linen off my hands, or tell me I should do a stinky eye-tye, will get a boxed ear for their trouble. So there.

:Continue sulk:

Girly German coat

One of the next things on my list of SCA clothing that I want to make is a schaube, or German coat. A coat is so much more useful as a keep-warm garment than a cloak or mantle - your arms are free and not weighed down by metres of fabric, and coats don't slip off your shoulders and try to choke you to death. I have been wearing one that BT made for her ex, that didn't fit him, and now I feel that it is time that I made my own.

The first hurdle was to find sufficient pictorial documentation of chicks wearing coats. More to the point, of chicks wearing coats that I liked, and weren't huge, shapeless sacks. Needless to say, although it seems that men wore coats all the time, women... not so much. The piccies are out there, one just has to look a bit harder.

Here are a few examples:
There are two in this one - I like the collar on the green one, but the sleeve treatment on the grey one.

Oooh, big pink coat.
This is St Helen, so the ermine is out. This is a seriously gorgeous coat, though.

The images above all came from REAL, which is a fabulous resource, although very damaging to your spare time. To find these images I did a search on Kleidung (clothing), and then narrowed the field to Schaube, between 1500 and 1530. It still gave me hundreds of pictures to look at (most of them with men with coats on), but all of them included someone wearing a schaube. The site also rather handily notates who is in the painting, what they are wearing, what colour it is, and any objects of interest that are also able to be searched. The only kicker is that it's all in German. It's amazing how much you can figure out on your own, though, and for the rest there's Babelfish...
This is one from Bildindex that Baggy Trousers found for me. The chick standing behind the little model church has a very cute coat on.

This one - "Portrait of a Woman aged Fifty-Seven" by Hans Muelich, 1539, is going to be the source for my colour choice. Some time back I found some faux cashmere (this is what it was called) at Spotlight. It was on special, so I bought some. It's a wool blend, mixed with poly or acrylic, and is a napped fabric, with a soft, velvet like feel, hence the faux cashmere moniker.

Many (read: most) of the schaubes, whether for men or for women, were fur lined. As I have no desire to die from heat exhaustion, I will not be lining my schaube in fur of any description. This last pic, with it's silk lining, seemed to be the best option. Not very exciting, colour-wise, but I do like the textural differences, with the velvet ribbon trim to set things off.

Taken in bright sunlight so that the differences can be seen at all. The whole thing is going to need to be interlined and probably make use of a bunch on the really expensive iron-on interfacing as well. None of it is really coat weight. Still, it will look pretty spanky when it's done (I hope)

I will keep you posted!

Things I saw on my walk today

• The odd juxtaposition of houses that you often see around here - one house that is impeccably kept with very neat garden, cheek-by-jowl with the scruffiest of scruffy houses where the paint is peeling and the garden is an overgown jungle.
• The Bogan Princess, complete with earings that dangled to her shoulders, pushing a pram and studiously avoiding my eye so she wouldn't be forced to smile at a stranger.
• The old man getting out of his car to open his garage door, the young woman taking her toddler out in the stroller, the Italian woman with the market flower garden, all of whom responded to my smile with one of their own.
• The furry brown catterpiller trundling his busy way across the footpath.
• The Noisy Miner in the tree barely an arms length away.
• The knobbly brown seeds left after a bottlebrush has lost the flowery bits.
  

My eyes took many little photograhs along the way, all the colours and shapes. I actually really quite like living in the 'burbs, especially a well established one, with houses of many kinds, and lots of greenery. I just wish my friends weren't all a 30 minute drive away...

I am trying to use this time that I have on my hands to establish some good habits - daily walking, doing stuff in the garden, good cooking and eating practices.

Today's walk was a backwards version of the same walk that I did on Tuesday, but took me about 10 minutes less to complete. I walked it faster and felt better when I got home. At this rate I will be running the whole way by the end of the week! (yeah, right)

A Conundrum

Well, technically it's not, because I already know the answer. You must admit, however, that it is a great word...

Imagine this scene:

A person goes to a shop with the intention of making a purchase. This person discovers that a very high quality variety of the product that they were wishing to purchase is on sale, therefore allowing them to purchase this high quality item rather than a lower quality one at the same price. This makes the person very happy, and causes them to exclaim "Excellent! I shall take two!" The person takes note of the little red price tag on the display item, which we shall call Price A. The person takes their intended purchases to the counter.

Once at the counter, as the sales assistant is peeling off the bar code stickers, the person makes note that one of the stickers displays Price A, and the other displays a price a little higher than Price A, which we will refer to as Price B. The person doesn't let this bother her, as she is quite well aware that trade practices allow that the product must be sold at the displayed price (I'm sure there are extenuating circumstances here, but I would imagine that they are generally for extreme cases).

So, imagine this person's surprise when the total cost issued to her is twice that of Price B! Remember, one of the items was barcoded at Price A, which was also the price on the display item. Technically, the shop assistant could have been in the right had she rung up one product at Price A and one at Price B, as this was the price shown on the items themselves. Then she could have been gently reminded that the goods must be charged at the display price (and isn't there something inherently wrong with charging different prices for identical items?). No, she deliberately chose to scan both products on the Price B barcode, therefore charging more that the ticketed price for one of the items, which the author hesitates to suggest is ILLEGAL, YOU STUPID WITCH!

When this was pointed out (far more politely that strictly necessary, by the way) one of the items (count it, just one) was reluctantly recharged at Price A as shown on it's bar code. Okay, so now the situation has wandered back from the precipice of illegal transaction, but still not right. There's still that pesky display price (Price A) and the fact that one can't charge different prices for identical products in the same transaction. It wasn't until the display item, with it's little red sticker with Price A on it, was fetched and shown to the World's Stupidest Shop Assistant, that she relented (with much grumbling about how people should check these things, and how she was going to get into trouble - LIKE I CARE! - and boy, how much trouble do you think you are going to be in if I write a letter of complaint about your very nearly unlawful transaction?) and chaged both products at the displayed ticket price, and to the purchaser's, by now very small, satisfaction.

All this happened at David Jones. At the Royal Doulton counter. You'd think they'd know better.

Next time I'm going to Peter's of Kensington.

Wow. No, really...just...wow.

Festival has been and gone. I got the tent* finished in time to be used - needs a bit of tweaking done to it - the roof decoration still needs to be painted, and the walls need to be re-brained (I got the angles all wrong, so instead of being taut they were a bit on the saggy side), but it was workable. I even managed to get together enough stuff to have a display in the Laurel Prize Tourney this year, which turned out to be a handy thing...

On Sunday I was invited to join the Order of the Laurel. If anyone chances across this blog who is not intimate with the workings of the SCA, this is the highest level award in the Society for learning - arts, crafts, singing, gardening, research, music, cooking, etc. It's a pretty big deal. I'm still in shock. In my case this award is for my work in embroidery and costume. Neither was quite there on their own, but together made up a body of work worthy of elevation, or so I am told. It still feels a bit unreal, and really was totally unexpected. I'm pretty blown away that a bunch of intensely clever people, who's work is of a really high standard, have deemed me worthy to be their peer. The ceremony formalising my elevation took place in the Royal Court on Sunday evening.

So there you go. I went to Festival thinking nothing of note was likely to happen, that there would be hanging out at the tavern and the wine bar, carousing, maybe some shopping or taking in a class or two (I didn't manage any, which I think is a first for me), and I come home a Laurel and a Peer of the realm. Wow.

*Which spent much of it's creation being known as "that fucking tent", mostly because it took me 4 years to build it. Not because it was hard, mind you, just incredibly tedious, so I'd keep putting it aside for 9 month periods...

Doin' stuff

Today has been a day of accomplishment! So far today (and to think, it's only 20 to 2, there's still heaps of doin' stuff time left!) I have managed the following:

Went to the RTA and did my knowledge test (100%, she says, huffing on her nails and buffing them against her shirt) and got my motorbike learner's permit. Hooray! and also Eep!

Took the car to the lovely and very helpful chaps at Fastfit Bullbars and Towbars in Auburn and had a very reasonably priced towbar fitted to my car.

Walked to Auburn station and caught the train to Parramatta.

Called my dad to wish him a happy birthday.

Did some wandering about, had sushi train (mmm salmon sashimi) and a devonshire tea (nto so flash - the scones had sugar in then, the cream had sugar in it, the jam was 98% sugar with a little red food colouring in it - so the whole thing was too sweet. The tea was nice though.)

Caught the train back to Auburn. Had one of those pleasant train trips where people actually talk to each other. Was wished a nice afternoon by a pleasant chap, I complimented a lady of her dress, which was very pretty, and she and her friend (who are both African of some sort) had the most beautiful little brown babies.

Got caught in the rain. Needless to say, the precipitation had been very light, a mere sprinkle, until I was caught out in the open, the furthest distance from shelter. Then it pissed down.

Picked up the car, complete with shiny new tow bar.

Came home, peeled off the wet jeans.

Made a blog entry.

If I manage more useful stuff today I will update in the evening. So much stuff to do!

Guerilla gardening

Was watching the teev this evening, and channel 10's Guerilla Gardeners came on. My interest was piqued, because they were doing the little quadrangle in Newtown across the road from the Bank Hotel. This one:It ended up with a purple gazebo on the little octagon thingy, and new turf, and plants and stuff. Looked pretty funky. Unfortunately, there isn't a pic of the result.

What really got me though, was that I walked passed this area last Tuesday, and it wasn't there then. So not only the garden happened really quickly, but the post production of the show.

Weird.

Update:

OK, so I just missed it. I have been reliably informed that it was done ages ago and all got ripped out for being dead and/or unsafe. I did say it seemed a bit weird...

The great unwashed

Or at least the great unemployed.

That's right, I got retrenched today. Not hugely worried - there's plenty that I can do that will keep me from starving, and I got a reasonable payout. Still, came as a bit of a surprise. So, after nearly seven years with Reece, I am now at a loose end. Kinda looking forward to having a little bit of time to myself, and then throwing myself into the challenge of getting a new job.

Should be interesting. At the very least, maybe I'll have more time to keep my blog up to date!

Update:

Yes, this did come completely out of left field, and right in the middle of me being busy, busy, busy. It's not a huge shock, though, we've been told for a while that the business isn't making any money... I am a little surprised at some, ok one, of their choices. If it was my business, I probably would have kept the person with the most experience and best knowledge of the systems (me) over the person who has been with the company for less than a year and knows waaaaaaaaaaay less about everything Reece-wise. Oh, and I know how to do her job. But still, I've been wanting to leave for a while, and now I have the opportunity to do so with the golden handshake attached. Bad time to be looking for a job, but there's always temping.

All in all, I'm pretty happy at the present time. So it's all good!

I am an island, I am an isthmus...

Last Saturday, I went to a lovely BBQ at the abode of Baggy Trousers and JD. Whilst there, the charming Harry regaled us with many tales (and many rice crackers at high velocity) and some delightful clips from Youtube (where else?). For a good laugh, check out Fuck the Shit and Jizz In My Pants. Don't do it if you should be working, as the bad language (from your 'puter) and the gales of laughter (from you) will be a dead giveaway that you are not, in fact, working...

During the tall tales session, I was reminded of an act I remember seeing on Hey Hey It's Saturday, many, many years ago. Raymond J Batholomeuz, and his delightful poem, Days by the ocean. I couldn't remember the details on the night, just a few words from the poem. Watching Rockwiz tonight though, reminded me quite suddenly. You see, Brian from Rockwiz is, in fact, Raymond J Batholomeuz...

So here it is.

Flat tyre

Husbands are so useful!

For the past few days I've had a large screw stuck in one of my tyres. It took me a couple of days to find it - I always seemed to have parked with the screw on the botton where it couldn't be seen - and then I'd keep forgetting to try taking it out when I was at home.

Rusty changed the tyre for me this morning. I am perfectly capable, except for the loosening of the wheel nuts part. When R is struggling with it (and he is so big and stwong), I know that there is no chance that I would be able to undo the little buggers on my own. So, now the car looks funny, with 3 mags and one spare. But, it's a good thing that I didn't manage to get the screw out before - as soon as we pried it loose, all the air came rushing out! I wasn't sure before that whether it was a screw or a bolt, and therefore, whether it had actually punctured the tyre. Yes, is the operative word here...

So, my husband has been infinitely useful, and I no longer have the insanity making tick, tick, tick of the screw hitting the tarmac every time I drive the car. Hooray!

Hot and icky

Ugh, hot today. I am so much a cold weather person - this heat and humidity sucks the life out of me.

Which is why I spent the first day of 2009 lying on my bed with the air-conditioner on, reading teenage vampire romance (hey, it's not my fault. I got the second book of the Twilight trilolgy as my Chrissy Pissy pressie last year (no, the year before, now) and I picked it up as something to read whilst I ate breakfast, then had to keep going. It only took me today to read. Great literature it ain't)

New year was spent at a friend's house, hanging out, watching the fireworks on the teev, drinking champagne and margaritas. It was really nice. I'm really hoping that tomorrow will be cooler. I actually want to get stuff done, and I struggle with that concept when the weather is above 25 degrees. I know, I know. Cold weather any day.

Tomorrow will bring the installation of a salt water chlorinator for the pool, which should pay dividends in the amount of time needed to be spent on pool maintenance (which is currently way too much). After that we'll see.

Oh, and if you are wanting to know if I made any NY resolutions... are you kidding me?!?

Iz sick

I must have really pissed Santa off this year. I got the flu for christmas.

I really hope I'm going to feel better tomorrow...

Bah humbug!

:Snort!:

I don't normally copy LoLcats to my blog, for fear that it's too nerdy even for me, but I think this one captures the xmas spirit so beautifully...



Wheeze.... ow, I think I hurt something...

Fuck all on tv...

Must mean sumer is i-cumin in.

I might be forced to go outside occaisionally.

Driving makes me sleepy...

Fortunately not during the driving, though. Just afterwards.

Spent a total of about 8 hours of driving on the weekend. Went to Canberra, fighting the wind the whole way down (and then the whole way back again), to go to a cocktail party. The cocktail party was lovely, the food was yummy, I looked fabulous (no really, ask anybody, they all said so!) and I didn't get horribly drunk and therefore felt like an actual human being the next day.

The next day contained really good eggs Benedict and a really good latte, more driving, and then lots of sleeping (I'll just lie on the couch and read my book for an hour or so....).

I'm still tired though. It didn't help that today was about the longest day of my life. I'm sure they slipped an extra couple of hours in after lunch. Oh, and then one of my colleagues got sacked (no real surprise there, I'm sorry to say), but that still didn't seem to while away a great deal of time. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I'm just going to go and rest my eyes for five minutes. Really, only five.... just resting my eyes... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Customer service - huge whinge

I've been thinking a bit about customer service lately. Why? Don't know, really. Just one of those things that pops into your head and won't leave until you've given it some of your attention.

Partially, this train of thought comes from the appalling customer service I received whilst purchasing a new printer at Dick Smith Powerhouse at Lidcombe (hey, I never said that I was going to be impartial and not name names!). Appalling. A bunch of people less capable of giving any level of customer service I have yet to find.

But my faith in the future of customer service gets it's biggest shake-up from the blog that I read, maintained by a fairly well known historical pattern drafter. If you know me (and didn't stumble upon this blog by accident on the way to the fridge)* you will probably know who I mean. Now, this woman runs her own business, researching and drafting historical patterns. She also sells an enviable range of useful notions and whatnot that would be extremely handy to a reenactor. Kudos to her. She is doing something that brings her fulfilment, and servicing a niche market that has been largely ignored. What really bothers me is what I perceive to be an extreme lack of professionalism in the way she conducts her business.

Let me elaborate...

Many, in fact, there are times when one could say most, of her blog entries are whinges about how irritating and stupid her customers are, with moans and bitches about her suppliers chucked in to spice things up a bit:- They are stupid, they have unbelievably unrealistic expectations (whoo, try saying that 3 times really fast...), they make complaints about things that she couldn't possibly have any control over, don't they know how internet shopping works, oh my god, haven't you been listening to my fornight long gripe about about the printer ink saga, whaa, whaa, whaa...

You know what? Fair enough. Everyone has got the right to whinge about things that annoy them (this entry is a case in point), and with the advent of the interwebs, we can share our woes with a worldwide audience (unless it's on this blog, which gets about .0002 readers). How does that saying go? "A trouble shared is a trouble halved", or is it more along the lines of "A trouble shared is a good way of spreading the misery more evenly"... So. Go for it, knock yourself out - blog all of your whinges if that makes you feel better.

But... There's always a but.

If you are going to offload your complaints about your customer base onto the World Wide Web, shouldn't you be just a weeeeeny bit circumspect about the way you go about it? Maybe think about an anonymous blog (ooh, going out on a limb here!), or perhaps make it friends only. Noooo, that would mean that all your sycophants couldn't leave comments about how terrible it must be, poor you, to put up with these IDIOTS who buy your products, how they are soooo stupid, and how you are such a saint, and I want to be you when I grow up... Bleech. So, not only do you make your blog entirely public, but (and this is the bit I really like) you link it to your business web page, so that all of those morons that you (deep breath) have to put up with in order to run your business, can click on the link on the page that they buy their products on, and go to your journal where they can read about how stupid they are.

Does that strike anyone else as rather counterproductive? Many companies spend millions on advertising and PR to tell everyone how fabulous they are. What they generally don't do is maintain public forums where they tell the world that their customers are idiots. Of course their customers are idiots! Stupidity is what people do best. Nobody likes to be reminded of it, though. When it all comes down to it, customers are human beings, with all of the quirks and faults and ridiculous idiosyncrasies of our race. Nobody reads to the bottom of the page to see the fine print; we all want our stuff right now, goddammit; we don't want to pay for it before we have to, and if we can see our way clear to getting something for nothing we will jump at it; and most of all, we want someone to blame when things go wrong - particularly if we are at fault. That's just human nature - to think otherwise is not going to get you anywhere.

Word of mouth and repeat business are the building blocks of small business. If you whizz on your customers from a great height, you are going to get neither. True, she names no-one, but I bet that if the customer being related to in the post read it, they would be able to make the connection from a thousand paces. I don't think that I could bring myself to purchase any of her products (which is a shame, cos some of her stuff is quite nifty) , because I find her really unprofessional.

It's a good thing I'm so perfect, eh?

Enough vitriol for tonight. I think I have used up my blogging quota for some time!

See you next time something really pisses me off.

* Assuming of course that there is anyone at all who reads this blog, except me. I am the world's worst blogger after all...

Urgh...

I am never drinking more than a single glass of wine again. Seriously.

One year ago today...

Thought I'd write a quick post to commemorate this day, which is the anniversary of my last post.

Nothing really to report today, just thought I'd celebrate one year of no blogging!

He he he

So incrediably crap at blogging............

Sorry,

I really am incredibly rubbish at this whole maintaining an online presence thing..... I guess it comes down to the "spend all day at work on the computer, get home and want nothing to do with one" factor.

Meh.

So what's been happening? Well, went to NZ again, this time for Midwinter (which was fabulous) and actually managed to take the husbondo for a bit of a holididleday as well. Drove around, saw some snow, pushed each other over in said snow, had a nice time. I wore the black Cranach frock, that has now had it's skirt fixed, and looks like a real dress, and (wait for it) even got some photos!!! I know! Even I'm amazed!

With the lovely Gillian (looking smashing in my hat....!!)

And from the back, in front of a rather charming fireplace.

On the costuming front - I've finished the beading!!!!!!! YAY!!! Now I just have to manage the hard bit - making the frock. Yikes. And I want to get all this done by the 1st September. Along with the Rowany banners that I am helping with, and the Festival organisational stuff that I'm doing. I've said it before - I need a job that gives me both more money and takes less time. 2 chances - bugger all and none.

Ah, c'est la vie.

Anyway, I'm not going to get this dress done chatting with you lot, so I'm off!

See you in another 2 months or so........

More frocky goodness, Part II

On to the actual sewing part.....

Work has currently stalled on the Beaded Frock of Instanity, because I am perilously close to having the beading finished. What I need to do now is start putting the bodice together, so that I can ensure that all the beading patterns match up properly.

So, I have been fixing some of the problems with the black and gold Cranach frock that I made last year. Here's a slightly blurry photo of me wearing said frock (that I nicked unashamedly from Miss D, because it's the only photo that I have of this dress. Sorry D)

Now, the bodice is pretty good. I'm really happy with the way it turned out - there are a couple of things that I would do differently, but overall it's turned out well. I'll go into some of the details about how I built it a bit later.

The skirt was a disaster, which is odd, because you'd think it would be the easy part. The problem stemmed from the fact that the dress is made from a really soft wool twill. I has a beautiful hand, and a lovely drape, but realistically speaking, was too soft and drapey for a renaissance frock. So over the past couple of weeks I took the skirt off and re-jigged the whole thing. Firstly, I lined the skirt with a ramie-cotton blend fabric, which has enough stiffness to add some body to the soft wool. It's essentially bag lined - the inner and outer layers of the skirt are sewed together at the waist, right sides together, and then flipped inside out. This also meant that I had a nice clean edge to attach to the bodice. Around the hem I have sewn a deep band of......ahem, stiffening fabric.....(I'mnotgoingtotellanyonethatit'stullebecausethen they'llknow) which has the two-fold benefit of kicking the hem out, and helping the pleats form the deep conical shapes that you tend to see in the Saxon gowns in Cranach's paintings. If I were to try a more period approch, I would lean towards canvas, or a woven horsehair braid, although it's possible that I wouldn't need a layer of stiffening, as the quality of the fabric used is likely to be quite different. As all fabric in our time period (600-1600AD) was hand woven - and this is one of those times when the word "always" can be used with impunity - the weave was tighter, and the fabric likely to have quite a different drape. One of these days I'll pull out some of the documentation I've got floating around that talks about the making of fabric, so that I can back up what I'm saying here, but that's a project for later.

Once the fabric was lined, I could re-attach it to the bodice. I used some thick, felty wool to pad out the pleats in the back, but I left this out (this time) in the front, because I didn't want too much bulk over my tummy. Now all that's left is to hem it, and sew on some guarding to match that on the bodice. That ought to be fun - there's over 10 linear metres in that hem, that's a lot of handsewing.......Sigh! I will post some photos once I have figured out why the flash on my camera isn't working.

More frocky goodness

Further to the post before Luke Skywalker (yes, it was terrible) I was talking about the picture of the chicky with the red insert in the front of her frock. Well, here she is!

And here is a close-up of her tummy

It's an interesting view - and you can see how it could be interpreted as an under-bodice stiffened with boning or reeds. I am loath to use the word corset here. When I think corset I think of it as being a much more rigid undergarment, used to shape the body, rather than moulding itself to the body's natural shape, and just smoothing everthing out a bit.

May the 4th.........be with you.

Sorry.........just couldn't resist!

A few thoughts on Saxon gown construction

When the beading on the BFoI (see previous post) is all finished, I will need to do the scary part, and start making the frock.....

So, some ideas on the actual construction. The question of the method for making one of these frocks seems to have been more hotly debated than the chicken or the egg. I have seen a number of these frocks which don't match some of the key features in the paintings, which has allowed me to see (without having to make a whole bunch of expensive mistakes myself) what they have been doing wrong.

Regardless of what method of construction you want to use, one thing is always apparent in the paintings. The stomacher/placket/white bit under the lacing in the front, is always (look at this rash use of the word always) flat and smooth.

See:

This is one of the things that leads me to belive that this frock was NOT an open fronted dress that was worn over the top of a chemise. Part of my evidence for this comes from looking at this style of dress made by other costumers - often no boning or other stiffening has been used, and this panel has been open to the underwear layer. The effect of this, when the wearer sits or bends, is that the lacing all migrates to the point of least resistance, leaving it sort of bunched up. Also, on an unwise wearer, it can make ones stomach look like a trussed ham. Ew!

So, this could be a boned panel, which is a separate piece to the brustfleck (breastband) or the whole front could be one piece (there is some evidence that this could be the case - in at least one of the 472,863 versions of the suicide of Lucrecia - I'll have to come back and fix that spelling later - the whole front of her dress is folded down to bear her chest, and appears to be all one piece.)

I also have somewhere (and when I find it I will upload it) a picture that shows a woman in an open fronted gown in a similar style, that shows this open section as red. You can also see lines of what could be boning or cording. It's plausable that this is a corded or reed boned corset/underbodice that can be seen through the lacing on the front of the gown.

This was supposed to be a sewing blog.....

It occurred to me recently that the name of this blog would generally suggest that it's supposed to be about.......erm, well, garments. The last actual entry about clothing, however, was (hold on a moment while I check) oooohh, a really long time ago (hmm, you'd think I'd find something in the archives somewhere, wouldn't you?).

So, to fix that, and bring this blog back into the realms of actual costumey stuff, lets take a look at the frock I'm making. It's generally being known as the Beaded Frock of Insanity, but it hasn't driven me completely mad yet, so it may have to become the Beaded Frock of Moderate Foolishness.....

So this is the frock. Painting is by Lucas Cranach (the elder), The Virgin Glorified, 1520, or thereabouts. This is the only image I have found of this painting, so I don't know what colour it would be, although from viewing a great many other Cranach paintings, I would guess red and gold, or gold and black. The fabric I have, though, is teal, with a printed pattern in antique silver/gold. I dyed some white velveteen until I got as close to a complimentary teal as I could (and wasn't that a trial and a half). This velveteen is a brilliant backdrop for the pearl beading. The pearls are 3 and 3.5mm plastic ones from Photios Bros. I had intended to use glass ones, but the variety if sizes is very narrow, and they start getting really expensive really quickly. In period they most probably would have used seed pearls, although pearlised glass beads were available*. I started on the sleeve cuffs first, because once these bits were completed, I could make up the cuff. This could help serve as inspiration for the rest of it if I thought about giving the whole thing up as s bad joke.

Here's some of the beading in progress:
The velveteen guards are basted onto a plain weave white cotton, and the patterm was drawn on the back. I discovered, quite by accident, that if I used a fairly firm pressure when drawing out the pattern on the back of the velveteen, the design was kind of etched onto the front. This was perfect, and made it really easy for me to follow the pattern layout. The beads themselves are strung onto a linen thread (which will hopefully prove to be unbreakable) and then couched down. This means that the pattern was nice and straight, and didn't take anywhere near as long as sewing each individual bead down. That certainly would have been a short road to insanity......

Here are the rest of the cuff pieces.

And the completed items, sorry that the one that I'm actually wearing is a bit blurry - it's actually really hard to take of photo of your own arm.....

The bottom part of the upper sleeve is also completed, I'm now working on the guards for the bodice. Well, I would have been, except I'm now actually writin

g about it. Ah, procrastination!

*I don't really remember where this info came from. Like a great many things, I read it somewhere, and I also saw an SBS doco on the history of pearls which had info on pearlised glass beads. Unfortunately, "I remember seeing it somewhere" is not a good documentation tecnique. If I ever actually find some real info on this that I can use to back this statement up, you'll be the first to know.

Great moments in radio

Heard the funniest thing on the radio on the way home yesterday. Triple J and Triple M linked up to play, in similcast, 20 seconds each of 2 songs - one from a band that Andy from Hamish and Andy (Triple M) is in, the other, a "song" by Scott Dooles Dooley from the J's, titled "Angry Panda". The title is important, because it should give some indication as to the quality of the track.....

If you heard it, I hope you laughed as much as I did (it's a good thing I was stuck in heavy traffic, or I would have crashed into someone. My stomach muscles (such as they are) are still hurting). If you didn't, I'm not even going to bother....... totally a "had to be there" kind of joke.

I have since found that I wasn't paying attention properly, and it was in fact 2Day that the link happened with. At least I know that I had the Triple J part right!! Oh well, it was a hoot, whoever it was! I don't quite know how this post went up twice, either. Sorry, JD, for deleting your comment!

What I did on my holidays. Part 1

Festival of course!!!

So, we packed up the car on Wednesday night, so we'd be ready to go nice and early on the Thusday. Most of this was achieved, however, despite the dreadful hayfever that I was suffering. But that was ok, I'd be feeling better in the morning, wouldn't I?

Nup.

It wasn't hayfever, it was the most dreadful headcold, which tightened it's grip on me as the day deepended. By mid-afternoon I was about as miserable as it was possible for a person to be. Oh, and then we discovered that the brand new air mattress that I had bought (Ashfield K-Mart, don't trust them, bunch of shifty bastards) had no plug, which would make it very difficult for it to remain inflated..... I have to say, there were many moments of dispondancy, and Festival was starting to look like it was going to be ghastly. We did, however, manage to buy a new air mattress in Yass, which was a start, and an early night (on the new, and surprisingly comfortable, air mattress - the one with the plug - not the crap one from Ashfield K-Mart) made everything seem much better the next day.

So, did I enjoy my Festival? Yes, very much so. On Friday I was feeling so much better I went out and made myself unwell again...... yes, the lure of the wine bar was too much for me, and I made some fairly substantial inroads on the road to being a drunken disaster. But that's OK, because I had at least enough of a grip on my sobriety to make a new friend. I spent many hours in conversation with Master Charles, probably because I had spent so much time in his fine establishment. I don't think that we solved any of the world's woes, but we sure laughed a lot. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to read a wanky wine review again without reliving some of the finer moments. Actually, the more I think of it, the more I realise that many of my fine times came from the wine bar - and not all from the bottle, either!!!

Saturday afternoon saw us back there, us being Meg and Snerg, DV, Helen, Scruffy, and for a brief visit, Charlie. After Charlie and I dashed of to go to court (to see Mark the Armourer be laurelled - although we had to sit through quite a lot of court before it happened), I came back to the wine bar....well, I was already half tanked, so I figured I might as well continue. Unfortunately, all of my friends seemed to have disappeared, but that was OK, because Manfred (from Mainly Medieval) kept me company.......if that's what you want to call it!! He seemed to take a great deal of delight in being icky and perverse, and making me squirm. We both had a lot of fun though! Somebody was continuing to ply me with alcohol (it might even have been me), because by the time I eventually stumbled up the hill to have some dinner I was fairly stonkered. This served as fodder for the inevitable ridicule to which I was subjected. Obviously I need some new friends.

Sunday night saw me sober, because I refushed....er, refused to have 3 hangovers at one event. I had a really good chat with Asa and Portia (and another lady who's name I simply cannot remember). Asa now has be on her watch list for being a "hussy" who unashamedly appeared in public without a hat, in a place where members of the opposite sex were in attendance. According to her, I was lucky to make the 4 steps from the wine bar to the tavern without being "ravished". Hmm, I never knew the power of a hat!!

I spent a lot of time wandering about, talking to people that I don't normally see or socialise with. One thing I have come to realise is that the 2 years of doing Festival Merchant Co-ordinator has really given me the opportunity to come to know, and be known by, a whole new group of people. It's great! So, as a result I really don't spend a lot of time in my own campsite, or even talking to my own friends.... sorry guys.

Normally this would be the place where I would start inserting some of the photos that I took..... erm, I will be the first to admit - I'm crap. I didn't take a single photo until the Tuesday morning, and that was only because there was a really cool fog. Oh well, I will just have to preserve the good times in my memory (and given that a) my memory is garbage, and b) I spent a reasonable proportion of Festival in a mild alcoholic haze, I'm not terribly confidant that the preservation will be terribly successful. Good thing there will be another Festival next year to do it all again in!!!

It's all about me!

I've never actually done one of these memes before, so I pinched this one from Finn and thought I'd let you in on a few of my little secrets.

1. What is your occupation?
Administration, for the most part. I'm an estimator for a plumbing company, so I prepare quotes for the supply of bathroom and kitchen equipment for large projects (schools, sopping centres, blocks of flats, etc)

2. What color are your socks right now?
Nude. Which means none!! But I have a weakness for knee high black 'n' white stripeys....


3. What are you listening to right now?
The telly - I've got uber eye candy Supernatural on.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Chinese bbq pork and rice. Yum.

5. Can you drive a manual car?
YES! Having an automatic isn't really driving, it's just steering.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Er........dunno. Red, maybe.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Some guy from the electricity company.

8. How old are you today?
37

9. Favorite drink?
Alcoholic, or non? I drink a lot of orange cordial. I'm rather partial to a nice Sauvignon Blanc, and a James Squire's amber ale on a Friday night is sweet ambrosia, and a vodka cranberry is quite nice too.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Sport........actaully watch sport.........I don't think so. There's litterally only one sport that I can stomach watching, and that's cricket (sad, isn't it - though not as sad competition fishing :-)

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yep. Never actually managed to dye it bubble-gum pink, although I would really have liked to.

12. Pets?
Two kitties and one husband

13. Favorite food?
Thai curries, and baked custards.

14. What was the last movie you watched?
The Covenant. Kind of witchcraft type movie, except the witches are boys. Was pretty good, I enjoyed it.

15. Favorite day of the year?
Saturday. All of them.

16. What do you do to vent anger?
Rant and rave and wave my arms about. Blow it all off and then it's over.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Puppy. He was a plush toy - I loved him so much I wore all of his fur off.

18. What is your favorite, autumn or spring?
Both. The reds and yellows of autumn and the bright fresh greens of spring. The temperatire is perfect........wish it could stay like that all year.

19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs, and then kisses, then more hugs!!!

20. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate?
Chocolate

24. Living arrangements?
Married, no (actual) kids, athough a certain someone who acts like one a lot of the time. Home owner (well, most of it - the bank still owns some!)

25. When was the last time you cried?
At the ballet. Saw the Matthew Bourne production of Swan Lake. It was fabulous - and needless to say the heros died at the end, and I got all misty-eyed. (Misty-eyed? Sobbing, more like it)

26. What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes, and more shoes. And occasionally the cat.

28. What did you do last night?
Watched some teev and sewed hooks and eyes on one of my new gollars.

29. Favorite smells?
Clean sheets, mown grass, rain on a hot day, onions frying in olive oil.

30. What inspires you?
Shiny!! Oh, hang on, that's distracts me......

31. What are you afraid of?
Falling - not so much heights, as the potential for falling from them and hurting myself.

32. Plain, cheese or with-the-lot hamburgers?
Cheese and pineapple. Please don't hate me.

33. Favorite dog breed?
Basenji

34. How many years at your current job?
4 and a half years.

35. How many states have you lived in?
2. New South Wales and denial. Unless you can count London as a state......

36. Have you ever been on a motorcycle or driven machinery?
Yep, been on a bike a number of times, although never in the driver's (so to speak) seat.

37. Favorite TV show?
Got a few a the moment - Heroes tops the list, Supernatural and Grays Anatomy are both pretty good, too.

38. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday, again.

39. Is your house phone a cordless?
No, unfortunately. The cordless died and we haven't got around to replacing it yet.

40. Ten centimetres of snow, or 40 degrees C?
I think snow, but that's only because I haven't spent a lifetime shovelling it out of the driveway. I remember one of my flatmates when we were living in the UK saying that she cried the first time she saw snow, it was so beautiful. One of my other flatmates, a Canadian, said that he sometimes cries when he sees snow, but he really didn't mean it in quite the same way....

So excitement!

Well, in a really nerdy kind of way.....

I fianlly got my wireless router today (after weeks of buggerising about, none of which was my fault) and brought it home and plugged it all in. And guess what? It worked perfectly, first go. No arsing about with IP addresses or anything, just plug and go. Awesome.

How's about that, huh? So now I can actually use the internet in the living room, instead of being chained to the modem in the furtherest reaches of the land of Spar Oom. This is an accomplishment worthy of a little nerdy excitement, I reckon!

There's even a vague pissabolity that I might update my blog more often.......

Oh, and I have decided to face facts - I'm not going to get the pavilion finished in time for Festival. Most of the sewing for the roof is now done, but I still have to put the eyelets in for the ropes, rope it all up, make the tent poles, make the walls, and all of the little fiddly bits in between. Oh well, at least some good inroads have been made for next year!! I've been busily making gollars, though, so I should be nice and toasty. At least some pre-festival sewing is being done.

Weekend of culture

Went to see the ballet with JD on Saturday night. It left me speechless.

The ballet in question is Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. This is the one where the swans are male, rather than the traditional female swans. While it creates an interesting tension between the prince and the lead swan, it also gives the swans an added strength and menace, along with their grace. The result left me with my mouth hanging open....

The story, very briefly, is of a young prince who is pampered, but unloved. His mother is remarkably free with her affections to her footman, her driver, her dog walker....just about anyone who, er, takes her fancy, but she cannot show her son any love, even though he desperate for any sign of affection from her. He goes off to throw himself in the lake, and comes across the swan, falls in love, decides not to off himself after all.






A grand masque is thrown for the prince, to find him a wife. The swan turns up, in human form, makes out with all the chicks, and a bit of a tussle ensues with the prince (who apparently isn't quite ready to accept his one true love as a man, just as a swan). The tussle turns ugly, a girl gets shot. The prince finds himslef turfed into a mental ward, where the swan everntually rescues him. But all is not well!!



The other swans turn on our hero, who dies, and the prince, bereft of his only love, dies of a broken heart. The queen comes in to find her only son dead, and finally shows him the heart that she has been hiding (and could have saved his life), In a kind of background shot, the lights come on, showing the prince cradled in the wings of his swan, showing that they are together at last.

Cue the lights, to find me with tears pouring down my face. JD asks me if I'm OK....

"no" I reply in a small voice. Pathetic, really.

It really was a breathtaking show. The first half was filled with humour - almost a vaudville touch. And the second half, needless to say, was filled with tragedy.

Time keeps on slipping into the future....

I need a new job. One that offers me a large number of hours doing nothing (at a very high rate of remuneration), while allowing me full access to the internet.......

Yeah, right.

Although my web presence has been very slight lately, that's not because I'm crap (well it is, but you guys are my friends and will allow me the fiction that I'm not actually all that crap), but because I have been busy:

• I ran 12th night. It was a lovely event, contrary to the whining by some stupid prats on the Lochac list. The weather was lovely, everyone was relaxed, there were lots of kids there, the sorbet was a great hit, and I didn't have to spend any time at all in a kitchen.
• I finished the cuffs on the beaded dress of doom, and entered them into the WCoB comp, and won a prize! I am now working on the guard on the upper part of the sleeve. This is a bit scary, because it means that I am going to have to fit the bodice soon, so that I can work out the shape for the guard for that bit. Yikes, that sounds a bit too close to actually building the frock for my liking!!
• All the tabs for the tent are sewn on! (I know, I barely belive it myself!). All that I need to do now for the roof part is sew it all together. I'm hoping to give that a burl on the weekend.
• And, true to form, work has been incessantly busy. We don't seem to get much of a quiet period at all. It goes from "Oh my god I must get this project finished before xmas" to "Right-o, back to the grind, lets get on with it, chop, chop" with only a short period of rest and catch up with all the things I didn't get finished last year in between. Meh.

Sp there you go - that's pretty much a run down of January for you. At least I managed 2 whole posts this month....... (well, nearly. I wrote this post on the 31st, but then Blogger had one of it's many "I'm just going to go away now" moments, and I couldn't upload it)

Where does the time go??

Sigh. I did it again. Managed to go a whole month without blogging once.....

I do have a excuse - it's the silly season! Much too busy doing.......er..........stuff......important stuff. Right.

Yesterday was my first day back at work after the xmas break. I was so bored I was starting to think that serious injury was an attractive option, and contemplating whether hurling myself down the stairs would give me the desired effect. Sad, isn't it? Today was better though - I actually did some work!

Mind you, I didn't really do much with my holidays, either. I was full of plans - all manner of things were going to get done!!! Instead, a dose of the flu led to a lot of sitting on the couch reading a book, and not feeling up to much else. I did do something though, it wasn't all complete laziness!

I did some work on the cuffs for the dress of doom and dispair, and have in fact got one of them finished! Hooray! Now, if you can just imagine the rest of the dress in the brocaded* silk, with beaded guards in the green/teal velveteen........it really is going to take forever. Sigh.

I also cut out a bunch of tabs for the Tent That Never Was (but hopefully someday Will Be), but, fairly true to form for this wretched, wretched tent, haven't been sewn on yet. I've got until April - what do you think my chances are?


*of course, the silk is not actually brocaded. It is, in fact, a print. That's right, a print. But it looks like brocaded silk from a metre away, so who cares?

Hurrah for a southerly change

When I turned on the computer this afternoon, it was 38 degrees outside. The air was so dry it felt like it was burning, and the sky was that strange, flat, almost-grey that you get during bushfires.

Now it's very pleasant outside, with a cool breeze (I hope some of it is blowing into the bedroom). I wish summer would be more like this - hot dry days, and cool nights......although definitely less of the bushfires.

I've been meaning to write stuff about my adventures over the last couple of weeks, but it kind of hasn't been happening. I need more spare time - why can't I get paid for not working???? No fair. But none of this is talking about adventures, is it? We went to Tassie, mostly for a holiday, but also for November Crown. Started out in Hobart - wandered around, just aimlessly, really. Picked out somewhere to have dinner (I wanted seafood), looked in an antique store, left the antique store after realising that the cheapest thing in there was a teaspoon for $55 (the most expensive thing appeared to be a very plain, rectangular table, fairly modern in appearance, made of huon pine, for the bargain basement price of $15,000. Yes, I did get the number of 0s right.....). I gave R a choice of tours that we could do - Cadbury's or Cascade. You'd think most husbands would pick the beer, right?

The second day saw us carting about 5kg of chocolate back to the car after going beserk in the factory shop, and then heading off to Launceston. We wandered off down to the gorge - gotta love daylight saving - where I took way more photos of peacocks than I needed to. And then we stayed there for dinner, which was the best idea anyone has ever had - the food was fabulous. Not cheap, but well worth it.

The next day added Baggy Trousers to our road trip. She looked so sparkly and vivacious when she got off the plane........."I'm still drunk" she muttered, "can I go to sleep now?" We hit Port Sorrell, watched a bunch of boofy blokes hitting each other with sticks, had a feast in a great hall with the most awesome chandelliers, someone fed me tequila, I didn't fall over! It was all good.

Sunday was Cradle Mountain day - we checked in to our accommodation (cabins on stilts) and went for a bushwalk (in the rain), marvelled at the quiet (you don't realise just how much man-made sounds intrude into everyday life until you can't hear any of them...) and slept the sleep of those who have driven too far and had pancakes for lunch.

Moday - St Marys. Nothing there, nothing at all. I think it was actually a public holiday. But the lodge was gorgeous. Eco-tourism - the cabins were solar powered, the view was all the way down the hill to the coast, the air was fresh, there were some kind of wallaby thing lurking around looking cute, it was quiet.

Tuesday had to get us back to Hobart and our flight home. We thought we'd check out Port Arthur, until we got there (70km down the road, thank you very much) and they wanted to charge us $25 each to get in. "But I just want to walk around the grounds!" I wailed. "I don't want your stupid harbour cruise or introductory tour! I just want to walk around the grounds!" It really shat me. I have no objection to paying for things, but I abhor being ripped off, and this just smacked of "Fleece the Tourists!". Up yours, Port Arthur Visitors Centre!

That, in a nutshell, was our Great Tasmanian Adventure! Tune in next week when we her Miss Piggy say............oops, I mean, for the Great Canberra Road Trip! and then there's the I Went to Cat Empire and I Bits Are Still Hurting!

Gosh, I have been busy lately, haven't I? That must be why I'm so tired.....

Good night!

Panda Death Haikus (which are not actually haikus at all.....)

Ages back, on the way to the pub, someone said something that was misheard as "panda death haiku", and a new age in stupid poetry was born. Later that same evening, someone who shall remain nameless said, at a volume that could be heard in the next suburb (that should be a dead giveaway to those that know him) said "you can stick your Ezra Pound haiku up yer bum!", which is where that reference comes from. When I wrote these, which was way back then (about this time last year) I looked up the format on the internet (I couldn't remember how many syllables there were supposed to be in each line). Anyway, I needn't have bothered, cos I still fucked it up. Oh well, here they are anyway......

Pandas are all around me
Black and white furry
Singing panda death haikus

Pandas and death abounding
Fighting endlessly
Though only death’s a winner

Can you not see me panda?
Can you not hear me?
Or is it that you’re dying?

Panda looks death in the eye
You do not scare me!
Death turns away shamefully

Pandas are strong and mighty!
They do not fear death
For death is just the long sleep

Pandas drinking beer and wine
They laugh and stumble
And fart in death’s direction

Death gets the shits with pandas
They will pay for this
For I am almighty Death!

Take your Ezra Pound haiku
Stick it up your bum
Drunk pandas say laughingly

Right! That’s it! You’re in trouble
Death’s anger explodes
Had it up to here with you

Oh yeah? Bring it on drop kick!
Pandas mooning death
We will kick your bony arse

Death attacks, the fight is on
Pandas are swinging
Pandas drunk, Death fights dirty

Though the pandas are many
Death is much faster
And the pandas start dying

Pandas and death abounding
Fighting endlessly
Though only death’s a winner

Pandas are all around me
Black and white furry
Singing panda death haikus


Yes, yes, I know that it should be 5-7-5, rather than 7-5-7. I really don't know how I got it so wrong. Dyslexia? or just Stupidity?

Shocking!

I have some shocking news..........so shocking, you may not belive it, but Naomi Robson is on her way over...

I did some sewing on my tent today.

More views from the floor......

One of the things that seem to happen when people get drunk and nick your stuff is this:

And, of course, because you were also drunk this happens:

And then somehow you find pictures of yourself on the internet in your underwear......

Oh dear. I hope my grandmother isn't watching.

Scoundrels & thieves

In answer to your question, Baggy Trousers, yes, it WAS my camera you stole.......

Erm, I think.......does anyone recognise those fillings?

Kids: remember how your mum used to tell you that if you didn't wash in your ears potatoes would grow in them? Well here's your proof. Good shot of the hat tho'

Thieves & scoundrels

I say, had a rather smashing time Saturday night, wot wot? A jolly decent shindig was thrown by my good friends, a lot of G&T's were drunk (with pinkies out), and some fiendish devil "liberated" my camera.


Are we sensing a common denominator here? Can we perhaps find a culprit for this dastardly theft? Can trust these young gels of today. Ruining the country, they are.

Tally ho, and toodle pip!!

Did I do any sewing last night?

Dahn't be daft! Of course I didn't do any bloody sewing!

I spent the night updating my blog (isn't it pretty) and updating my links - which leads to reading ohter people's blogs (which in turn leads to reading blogs linked to those blogs and so on ad infinitum). Then all of a sudden it's bedtime.

I had a lovely evening on Friday. I met up with Miss Droopy Draws and Upside-down Miss Jane at the pub. Somebody else must have drunk the first beer (I swear, there was much more than that in the glass when I put it down!), so I had another one. Those beers were sweet, sweet ambrosia from the gods, I tells you. The others drifted in, in their own good time - Mr H, Miss DV, Mr Snerg and Miss Meg. Then we went for food - had the yummiest chinese food I've had in a long time - we all ate our fill for the bargain price of twelve dorra! (not to self: I owe Mr H twelve dorra). What a way to spend your time, eh? With good beer and good food in the company of some of the nicest people in the world. (oh lord, that sounds really sucky even to me.....)

You may wonder why I'm rambling on about what I did on Friday as if you'd care - well, after I posted the last post, to share with you what I feel to be the highlight of Alan Jones' career, I realised it may be just a tad confronting to see what a cu.....er country man Alan is. This way you at least have to scroll down the page a bit to see the only true rude word left in the english language.

Let this then serve as your warning!

Alan Jones is King....

............of prats. I love the way he's constantly making a complete tit out of himself.

Here, for example, is the great man, showing his true colours. Ah Alan, may you always be standing in just the wrong spot.

Grrr. Argh.

I have come to the conclusion that Blogger is designed for use with IE. It doesn't seem to like Firefox at all. I struggle and struggle, and the damn thing still won't upload. I curse and swear and kick the cat (not really, just saying), go away for 10 minutes (and find a message that tells me that the server has timed itself out or some such bullshit) and all to no avail. So I post through IE, and it downloads instantly.

I blame Jeff Kennett.

Green grows me bogling fork!! Part II

Actually, me bogling fork has been lying idle for many a long week (although I did get to threaten Fitz with a jabbing from it's pointy, pointy tines).

It's me garden that's growing green! Look!! (And my blog too! What do you think of the new format?)


(note to self: when uploading your photos, try to make them a little smaller than 280,375 MB so they don't use your entire upload limit at once, and so they fit on the page, goatbrain)

I have been making good use of my time today, grubbing about in the dirt like a peasant. So far today I have:

• hoed the front garden (hey skanky ho, whatchoo doin' in my garden!?)
• pulled out a lot of weeds (and not the good kind)
• mowed the lawn
• went to the plant shop and bought tomatoes and lettuce and corn. And herbs, yummy, sweet smelling herbs
• planted tomatoes and lettuce and corn, and watered and mulched (the hardest bit was getting the highly compacted sugarcane mulch out of the packet!). Look, look! There are my veggies in all their minute glory
• I was going to lay another course of bricks on the highly complicated herb garden we're building, but I couldn't find the trowel. When I asked Mr Fe2O3* where he'd put it after laying the first course, he said he hadn't used it, he'd used his hands. Oh, so debonair and sophisticated........

Now I'm all showered and clean and fighting a dirty fight with Blogger over formatting issues (no, no, I want the picture to go there! Why do you keep changing the font? You bastard! What did you delete that for?!?). Sigh. I'm obviously not nerdy enough.**

Tonight, while Himself saves Pendle Hill from vampires, I'm going to attempt something that was supposed to have been completed 3 years ago - I'm going to sew some of my tent. Well, that's the plan, anyway. I'll have to get back to you as to whether I've been successful in my mission......

*the chemical composition of iron oxide, otherwise known as rust(y)
**maybe not, but nerdy enough to know the chemical composition of iron oxide........

Where the bad t-shirts go

Time for some funny pictures, I think.

I'm thinking I should get this for Dad for xmas. Would that be wrong? (more to the point, how many minutes would my life expectancy be?)


And of course a random kitty shot pulled from the endlessly funny stuff on my cat dot com.

That's all for now.

Cool stuff, as promised.

See? It does take a goodly while to download though. So go and grab a cuppa and come back.

Stuff on my blog! dot com

Oh lordy - a whole month went by without a single entry. I am as crap as a really crap thing.

I've been finding that there is only so much time in the day to do the things that I want to do - I can sew, or read other peoples blogs (and assorted interesting information that this often leads to) or write on my own blog, but certainly don't have time for all three.

Since the original aim of this blog was to preserve for prosperity the making (and subsequent wearing) of fancy frocks for Scadian purpoises, I really should actually be documenting the making of these frocks. Instead, I've just been making the frocks. And failing to get myself photographed in them. Oops.

In my next post, I'm gonna put something really cool. Promise.

Furry pizza

Doesn't that sound appetising?

I think the new billing month has arrived, since the last post (below) worked very well. So here, as promised, is a photo of the World's Fattest Kitty doing her best pizza impersonation...

I am so embarrassed

Dial-up is poo

I've been wanting to post for a few days now. I had thoughts to share, and a fleeting willingness to sit down and type them out....

Dial-up changed all that.

We have cable. Normally I can wizz through cyberspace with speed and ease, I can read peoples blogs and still have time for tea. Then someone in this house, who shall remain nameless, but who knows who he is (don't you Rusty?) decided to download movies. Mr Bandwidth, I'd like to introduce you to Mr Download-Limit. Mr Download-Limit would like to introduce you to Mr 28.8kbps modem speed.

Grass grows faster than that. I have to wait until the new billing month before I can share the embarrassing (yet strangely funny) photo of my cat looking like an enormous furry pizza.

Bet you can't wait.........

Whingey trousers

I wrote this post on Friday night, but it wouldn't upload. So I tried it again today. And it still wouldn't upload. So I tried using IE (which I loathe and despise) and what do you know? Uploaded lickety-split, pics and all. Maybe I need to see if there's a new version of Firefox.....

Be prepared, I'm going to start whingeing in a minute. Oh, and use rather a lot of bad language.

I had the most god-awful day today, due entirely to the wonderful institution of stocktake. It really shouldn't be this bad, but masterful disorganisation was apparent aim of the day. If I handed you a form with lots of lines for writing down product descriptions (and lets assume that this is your place of gainful employment, so you can't yell "Up yours, Nancypants!" and run away) and you had products to record in locations named Bay A1 through A24, B1 through B56 and so on, what would you do? Make sure that you had written down everything in each bay, and use a new page for each new letter? Or, would you write down most of the stuff in "Bays A1-A24" and then follow on the very next line with "Bays B1-B24", and then discover that there's a bunch of stuff that you didn't write down the first time, and so record it on another page (because you didn't leave any room on the first one) that looks like this: B2, B15, B15, B24, V2, V18, V5, V5, V5, H11, B15, B15, S1, S1, S1??

WTF???????

Anyone with even a small fraction of a brain should be able to see that writing up stock sheets that look like this is going to make it REALLY FUCKING HARD to keep track of what info you have recorded where. It was an aboslute fucking nightmare, let me tell you. And everything had been going really well lately too - I was actually enjoying my job!! There you go, karma is telling me to buy a lottery ticket - I'm not cut out for working.....

On a much brighter note, I spent some time watching You Tube last night. My videos of choice? Animals doing funny things. Show me a video of a kitty ambushing a small child or being clobbered by a rabbit, or (and this is my favourite) chasing off a bear (a bear!!) and I'm happy. So happy I think I did myself an injury (ow).

Now that I'm in a better mood, who else out there watches Supernatural? I'm always a sucker for a ghost story, especially when they populate the cast with such fine eye candy. This pic is for Miss C, who I know will appreciate it. He's a bit older and greyer in the show, but still well worth a look......